Burbank born, raised in Phoenix, wandering this island. Living with the Chinese Girls in the middle of the Pacific. Ex-soldier, teacher, coach and tennis champion.www.roobardookie.com.
The Cupcake Chronicles
“I wonder where my cupcakes are going?” - Chef Johnny Sweet
Chef Johnny Sweet fancied himself a spy. In reality, his cupcakes were like his children and he wanted to know where they were going and who they were hanging out with. So Chef Johnny Sweet created micro cameras that he put into the little sugar-silver balls that would adorn the icing. Once eaten, the camera and housing would disintegrate, as he was not interested in their stomachs and future bowel movements.
The little cameras/microphones were created at great expense by a company in China that asked no questions. The little camera could see in a panoramic view, so he could see the entire kitchen, bedroom, office, etc. He told the company that the metal must be non-toxic and have no taste. It should just mesh with the sweetness of the cupcake and icing. This new metal developed by the Chinese was so thin; it was as if the person eating it was getting their daily intake of the minerals and iron in a multiple vitamin. Saliva helped to break down the metal, along with stomach acids. The glass of the camera was made with the thinnest see-through sugar.
The chef liked to live by the creed of not judging books by their covers. He knew that even the small snapshot of what he would see through his “spy” cake cameras were not enough to judge anybody. He just wanted to know where his creations were going. Did they find a nice home? Was any foul play involved? Were the cupcakes being treated with the respect they deserve?
A lady in a fur coat dusted off the snow as she crossed the welcome mat to his shop. He hadn’t seen her before. She smiled at him and when she looked at the cupcakes behind the glass, he thought he saw her briefly transform into a little girl. This imagination set Johnny Sweet apart. He poured it into the little treasures.
“Good morning. My goodness, you have so many to choose from. I like the little silver balls. You have them arranged differently on each one.”
“That’s a trademark of a Johnny Sweet.”
She took her time. These were going to her tea with the girls. She picked out four beautiful cupcakes. Each one had a little camera. When she left the shop he set up his computer and screens in his private office. He couldn’t see anything now but the inside of the box. So he went back out front to sell more cupcakes.
Through the door came a longtime customer known only to the baker as Mrs. M. Mrs. M was a dark haired beauty, who wore a stylish trench coat winter and summer. She had no set time she came in, and always only bought one large cupcake. She likes to get the custard filled cupcakes. He made sure she had one of the silver ball cameras as she was a real mystery. She thanked him. He went back to the office to set up her screen and to see if the tea party had started. He took a sip of coffee and leaned back in his chair.
The cupcakes at the tea party were in the kitchen on a plate. His customer had taken off her fur coat and was getting the tea saucers and cups ready, along with a bowl of real sugar and some cream.
“Do you need help missus?”
“No Jim, just get the coats and purses.”
The tea and cupcakes were placed on a silver tray, and she walked briskly to the glass-encased and plant-surrounded tea room. Her three lady friends were already seated and quietly admiring the plants indoors and out.
“Betty, every time I see this room I go home and tell my husband to call a contractor and get started on one for us.”
“What does he say?”
“Who the fuck needs a tea room?”
All four of them laughed because that is exactly what her husband would say, mixed company or not.
Johnny Sweet continued watching the screens. Mrs. M’s cupcake was still in the box and travelling. He had told the folks out front to let him know when certain people came into the store. They had a list by the register that could be easily checked. He sat back in his chair, then came up with a “tea room” cupcake idea and wrote in down.
Mrs. M had taken out the cupcake, and Johnny saw the inside of a hotel room. She took off her trench coat and was nude except for her tattoos. There was a man laying on some kind of plastic. He had his shaft in his hand and was stroking while she poured a couple of whiskeys and brought the drinks over. They did not speak a word.
She brought the cupcake over and put some icing on her nipples and the end of his dick. He licked her nipple and she licked the icing off too. Johnny was getting hard and reached up to lock the door on his office. He double-checked the intercom too.
She took some icing and custard and rubbed it on her ass. He buried his face, and when the sweet stuff was gone he reached and smeared on some more.
“Once, a girl scout kicked him in the leg when he complained about the peanut butter cookies costing ‘too damn much for a fucking working man.'”
The ladies all laughed again.
Mrs. M was sucking custard off of the fellow’s balls.
The office phone rang and Sweet picked it up.
“OK, I’ll be right out.” He hung up the phone and turned off the screens.
When he came out, he saw a man dressed in Banana Republic, complete with square-toed shoes. He smiled brightly at the chef.
“Johnny! How are you?”
“Great Will. How are you today?”
“I tell you, I want something so special that someone would fall in love with me from just one bite.”
“That sounds like a fairy tale Will. But, I do have something that I think is so good, it will make an impression.”
“I want it gift wrapped and a card too.”
“Sir, this my raspberry jelly filled cupcake with macadamia nut icing.”
“My God, I’ll take one too!”
“Should I gift wrap yours as well?”
“No, just give me the regular box.” Johnny was taking extra special care with this gift wrapped wonder.
“Someone’s birthday, Will?”
“It’s love Johnny. I am in love.”
“I am putting lace in the bottom of the box then.”
“Give me more of your business cards and I’ll bring them to parties.”
He gave Will the boxes and the card to fill out. He was in a hurry and took everything with his ungloved hand.
“Mr. Sweet, you are my baker angel!” And he floated just above the ground and out of the store. Was it the smell of baking cupcakes, or was he that in love?
The chef went back to his office to set up Will’s camera. He locked the door again.
“Did you know Sheila’s son is on the medical board in Florida?”
“I hear it’s boring there with all those old folks.” They all laughed because they all had houses there.
They were involving the cupcake in a 69 deal in Mrs. M’s room.
Johnny had Will’s camera on-line. He saw the inside of two boxes this time.
There was a quiet knock at the door. “Boss, Mr. Van Dyke’s guy is here.”
Johnny jumped up and found the full length mirror and really looked himself over. He didn’t have any stains, and walked out of his office briskly.
“Paul! I was expecting a call a couple days ago.”
“Mr. Van Dyke was not doing too well. But you know as soon as he could sit up, he asked about me coming to the shop.”
“His secretary called and I worked on something last night.”
Johnny went to the back of the shop and had a special refrigerator that included just enough moist air to keep his creations fresh longer than in a regular refrigerator or under the glass out front. He carefully brought out the plate with the doily under the cupcake to Mr. Maller.
“What do we have today Johnny?”
“This is made from white chocolate and truffles, with a chocolate icing from Amsterdam. Those little nuts on the top are actually made of some of the world’s strongest hashish.”
“You know Johnny, you have Mr. Van Dyke’s eternal thanks. He has told me that he thinks he probably couldn’t go on without your creations.”
Mr. Van Dyke was dying from various old, rich man ailments. Being high and filled with sugar seemed to help in the day to day activities.
“I know discreet people who do my shopping for me.”
“The usual payment Mr. Maller?”
“Check your account day after tomorrow.”
Mr. Paul Maller walked out of the shop with the box and what passed as a smile for him.
The door opened, and there stood a customer he had not seen in a while. His friend Dr. Wang stood in front of him. She made a special trip to his shop every time she was in town on business.
“Chef Sweet, it is nice to see you.”
“Dr. Wang, you helped to make me what I am today.”
“Rich, well respected and owing me visits to a planet, a satellite and the ocean.”
“Those are scheduled for this year doctor.”
“Give me something special. I am off to the moon, and it might be a long trip.”
“Supersweet, or just normal?”
He gets her a lemon cupcake with honey whipped icing. Dr. Wang sits down at one of the little tables in the shop and asks one of his workers for today’s tea to go with it.
Johnny makes sure everything is OK and asks Dr. Wang if he could take a tea break and sit with her.
“Are you having a cupcake?”
“If I ate one every time an old friend came in, I’d weigh 300 lbs. in a month.”
“Did you know I was meeting with the President?”
“I knew she was through town for something.”
“One of the things is our E-R-* (eee-rrr-sun) project. And, our three head chefs each told me to tell you that the cupcakes are just as fresh as when you iced them and delivered them for shipment.”
Dr. Wang, a medical doctor and PhD., was the leader of the new world projects where world communities were established in the deep ocean, the moon and Mars. She felt that small things like the comfort of cupcakes would help to make these new worlds more pleasant to live in. The little things were important to her, and important to the president. She had the president’s ear, and the president had hers.
“I figured that the 0-gravity would be OK, but I thought the pressure might get to the ocean cupcakes.”
“The new technology keeps things in a regular pressure cocoon. People and cupcakes are very safe.”
Dr. Wang put the last bite into her mouth.
“She’s coming in for an un-announced visit today.”
“Oh man! We have got to clean up the shop!”
“Hey, everybody stop what you’re doing and clean up!”
“When is she coming?”
“I think after lunch. Just before she flies out.”
She heads for the door. Dr. Wang waves at Johnny and the now busy crew.
Johnny tells his assistant manager that the President will probably be stopping in and for the place to be spotless.
“I’ll be in the office.”
He sets up all four screens and can see the ladies’ tea, an office where Will is talking to someone at a desk, Mrs. M and partner, and the box opening to Van Dyke’s room.
“It’s in the icing Mr. Van Dyke.”
“Shelly, can the gardener sue you because he chopped off his little toe?”
“Just on my tits. I want the taste of the cupcake to last.”
“You say hashish from Amsterdam?”
“I don’t want the cupcake, and I don’t want you bothering me anymore.”
He sees on screen, the cupcake going into the trashcan. He hears Will crying.
Mrs. M’s partner pulls out and goes for her tits. But, he hits the cupcake too.
“You jackass! I’m not finishing that now!”
He sees four mouths of hungry old ladies as they have each saved their silver ball for last. They crunch and the screen goes blank.
Mr. Van Dyke looks to be in a much better state. He can’t seem to get enough cupcake. His screen goes blank. Johnny sees nothing and hears nothing except for Will’s non-lover answering phones for their business. He is very businesslike. He does not shed a tear over the lost prospect of Will.
An excited knock on the door jars him into action.
“I think they are here Mr. Sweet.”
He walks out and a secret service agent is telling his #2 that they have to sweep the place for electronics. Johnny Sweet’s eyebrows lower into a squint to go along with his frown.
"The Brain, within its Groove Runs evenly -- and true -- But let a Splinter swerve --" Emily Dickinson
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