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splinterswerve
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
splinterswerve.hotmail.com
by Jennifer Stewart
10 bottles of beer on the wall, 10 bottles of beer, take one down pass it around 10 bottles of beer on the wall…
That’s the little number that plays through my head when I wait for him to come to the car.
9 bottle of beer on the wall, 9 bottles of beer…
When he reaches the car there is some hope that he might be sober, he might be back to his old self. But when he gets in the car my stomach starts to sink as he reeks of stale booze, eyes dead in his unexpressive face.
8 bottles of beer on the wall, 8 bottles of beer…
What happened to him? Where is he? I know he is in there somewhere.
7 bottles of beer on the wall, 7 bottles of beer…
Where is the little boy who use to stick peas up his nose and trying to shoot them out, with mom’s back turned and me doubling over in laughter?
6 bottles on the wall, 6 bottles of beer…
The two of us would sit on my banana-seat bike pretending to be on motor bikes, him in the front, me in the back, ripping down the laneway whooping and screaming in laughter.
5 bottles of beer on the wall, 5 bottles of beer…
I don’t know when this happened, when he disappeared and this new person emerged. I miss the old one. I’m trying so hard to find the essence of what used to be.
4 bottles of beer on the wall, 4 bottles of beer…
The little blond-haired doe-eyed “parakeet” who followed me everywhere, just about right on my heels.
3 bottles of beer on the wall, 3 bottles of beer…
The kid who would be in the background while I was ordering pizza over the phone, with a big goofy smirk on his face saying things to make me laugh and me having to hang up ‘cause I couldn’t get the words out.
2 bottles of beer on the wall, two bottles of beer….
When he is sitting in the car next to me, I start to resent him, resent having to worry about him all the time wondering- is he okay? Is he lonely? I can’t bear to think of it.
1 bottle of beer on the wall, one bottle of beer…
As we sit, Mom starts chatting away asking both of us a zillion questions and he turns to me with a knowing big smile on his face and chuckles. There it is!!! He is still here. The essence of him is still here.
No more bottles of beer on the wall, no more bottles of beer, take one down pass it around no more bottles of beer on the wall…